This week I want to answer a reader question.

What's the difference between filtering the internet and monitoring it?

An internet filter

Filtering the internet means you have a system to block some of the inappropriate internet content from your child's devices.

A filter is like a front door on the house. It keeps most of the bad stuff out. It blocks content from getting delivered to your family members.

Where do you find internet filters? Your router may have one, the box that connect your home to the internet. (Gryphon routers). Your internet service provider or phone service may have one (for example Verizon). Or if you try a monitoring service like Bark, many times they come with a filter.

Other filters

You can be a filter by talking about your values and expectations about tech usage.

Settings - Helping your child set up their accounts to be private, locations off, helps filter their exposure to harmful content and people.

Free apps - You can use Apple's Screen Time or Google's Family Link for some filtering and screen time limits.

Monitoring the internet

Monitoring the internet means you're supervising what your child is doing online. Monitoring your child’s accounts is like having a video camera on the front door of your house. You get to see who’s coming and going, who is making trouble, who is being respectful, who's starting mean comments in group chats...

By the time your child has their own device, you should be monitoring their accounts. Generally I recommend that by the time your child is 8-9 years old, you'll need to set up a monitoring service. Definitely by the time they get social media accounts!

Monitoring your child's behavior online with an app

There are some great paid apps that help you see what’s going on online so you can correct bad behavior, just like you would in real life.

​Bark is my favorite - it gives kids lots of privacy, it's not a spy app that records every key stroke. Parents get parental alerts only when there’s something potentially inappropriate, like a comment that is bullying, nudity in a photo, medically concerning information.

The stuff you really need to know about!

Good news - you won't need to set up a separate internet filter if you choose Bark - it comes with one. You can read more about Bark here.​

Other monitoring

Just like filtering the internet has a human piece, monitoring does too. You can sit next to your child as they text, check their phones, have a sense of what apps and games are their favorites.

Celebrating youth solutions to digital wellness issues

Will you help a few youth leaders by sharing their work?

​NextGen Connect, the youth leadership development program I lead, is winding down and I'm thrilled to be able to share a few of the projects with you. Youth projects were focused on digital wellness, mental health and Big Tech accountability.

I hope you'll share them with the teens in your life. These are all great to do as a family.

• Jonathon Ruiz made two 2-minute videos for teens on social media addiction. Watch this first and this next. He'd love to have teen feedback after watching the videos.
• Sierra Koski created a 10-minute podcast for teens called Naturwind. She designed it to help teens reclaim their time from social media and rediscover life beyond the digital noise. She'd love to have teens do a brief pre-survey before listening, listen to the podcast and then do a post-survey.​
• Sadie Goldstein created a 28-page magazine for tweens called "Behind the Screens", filled with interesting activities and stories that inspire and educate kids to be intentional about screen usage.

Building strong relationships through the magic of gratitude

Intentional gratitude is one of my favorite practices to help me reframe my thoughts, uplift my mood and celebrate the beauty around me every day. I'm not talking about the Big Things. I'm talking about noticing the little things daily - someone holding a door for me, a butterfly in my yard, a hug from a friend.
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I believe that the more we notice and celebrate, the more we will see to notice and celebrate. Try finding 5 thing to be grateful for for 5 days and see what happens!
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What does this have to do with your family relationships? Expressing gratitude out loud in your family changes your relationship! You're focused on positive things and your child gets the glow of feeling celebrated and acknowledged. Win-win!
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When parents tell me they are struggling in their relationships with their kids, I often ask: When was the last time you thanked your child for something? Or when was the last time you acknowledged something good about them?
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This weekend, I hope you'll look for reasons to show gratitude to your child. When you shift your focus to the good and positive things, you impact every conversation you have.

Happy Friday!

Lisa Honold is a cyber safety educator working to keep kids safe and healthy, online and offline. As founder and director of the Center for Online Safety, Lisa is a national public speaker on digital wellness, cyber safety, intentional screens and peaceful parenting.

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Recent appearances: KING5 News, KOAT News & The Action Network Live​

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